tammyhudgeon: A Time for Un-DOing (Overdue)

I like to be awake in the night, by myself with the pretty tree lights….with myself, with my thoughts.

Quietly, little Cricket cat nearby. Sitting quietly too.

There is something about the middle of the night that I love.

It feels peaceful, peace Full, full of peace. It is a restful place. It helps me to believe that quietude is possible after all. It is so easy for me to forget that in the hustle and bustle of daylight hours.

The kitty comes to find a soft spot to curl up in my lap. She purrs and hums, vibrating with life force, with qi, with prana- no obstacles for her. How does she manage such grace and ease?

I am a Doer. I Do. I Do. I Do.

And then I Do some more.

It is my default mode even now, in the middle of this dark night. I Do. I write these words, I think these thoughts. Kitty tries to help me to undo. She pushes my pen with her little face. She knows how to sit without Doing.

I am in the process of undoing. It is my most important job right now. I may not be taking it seriously enough.

Or lightly enough. Spirit loves laughter.

I believe in my heart and soul that my most authentic self will reveal her offerings, will unlayer, will give the juiciest, most potent gifts when I allow my un-doing.

A new way is being called for, requested and demanded.

Finally, I begin to listen.

I am ready. I have been preparing for years. In my head, which is easily fooled, I’ve already done it. I’ve intellectualized it. I know it all, “in my head”. My often cluttered, chaotic head space.

Now it is time to bring it down, down into the fleshy body. To bring it into the experiential. To experience how it feels to S L O W down.

To feel the beauty in rest. Not rest from exhaustion, rest because it feels good…..because I can, because I allow it.

The new desire becomes peacefulness rather than productivity. The relentless gauge of self-worth in productivity is dropping away.

The knowing of self only through I DO, I DO, I DO.

I am coming undone and I welcome it.

My new way may not suit what people have become accustomed to, or maybe more accurately what I have become accustomed to.

That’s OK. Everything is shifting.

I desire to release my grip, my ever present “death grip” on life.

I release my grip so that my life energy can F L O W- unobstructed.

This is the only way.

It is a relearning, a major re-wiring. It is essential. Jumbled wires tied in knots cannot be re-routed.